Thursday, July 1, 2010
WHY I AM A RELUCTANT LEADER
In all my lifetime, I have never realized that I have the potential to be a leader. Yes, I am a follower at heart but I have never envisioned myself as a leader. Maybe it has something to do with what I experienced during my high school years.
I would what you would consider as someone who had the brawns, someone who was more into sports than hitting the books and aiming for high grades. After all, I went to a school full with students from the crème de la crème – cream of the crop – as one teacher puts it. We had the Monoys, Erasquins, Englises and the Visitacions when it came to brains. The Alvarezes, the Capistranos, Padayhags and the Sasils when it came to leadership potentials. And I was glad to be considered as one of those who excelled in sports. I had no objections to it. But as a result, it made me feel small when I compare myself to the superstars of my generation. Even up to this day, I still have my insecurities.
It was only during my college years when I realized I might have a potential also when it came to the literary and the cultural arts. My first exposure to it was when I was thrust into being a debater for my college. I volunteered my time to be on the team for selfish and immature reasons – I wanted to be on the team because they were giving away free t-shirts (believe it or not). In fact, I volunteered to be a researcher of the five-manned team. However, when we were doing our discussions and readings on the topics for the debate, our advisor instead chose me to be the second speaker for our team. My stint as a debater was a pleasant one that from that time on, I entered a debating group, a choir group, and even a literary group. And this discovery went on even during my undergraduate years. I would never have imagined myself doing such things in high school.
Fast track to law school. I was thrust to be in a leadership capacity when, by a stroke of being friends with those active in school activities and being an active volunteer, they fielded me to be a candidate as president of the law student’s organization. This was actually my first time to run for an elective office as my usual positions in the leadership front was always by appointment. It was not an easy ride. There were a lot of times that I almost threw in the towel. I sacrificed a lot, including my time and expenses, and yet there were still others who were dissatisfied with my work. This was notwithstanding the fact that I was also working full-time to augment my tuition fees and expenses. I had my faults too. I was drunk with power, thinking that I did not need any advice nor help when it came to decision-making time. And I solely relied on my capabilities. Thus, there may have been projects that were successful but along the way I lost some friends and respect of my peers. Good thing it was all mended when I graduated. I personally said my apologies and went out of my way to reach out to those who I have hurt along the way.
I have learned my lesson: to be a good leader is not to show off your leadership potentials and capabilities with little regard for others’ opinions and suggestions. To be a good leader is also to emphasize and hear the voices of those around you. Pick up good advices and lessons along the way and admit it when you are wrong.
I must have matured now because even a good friend and teammate of mine, Maggie, has even commented on it. She says what I am now was a far cry of what she knew of me during our law school days.
Being in the YMA, I am a reluctant leader not because I do not want to be shouldered with responsibilities and additional tasks, but because I feel that there are still others that need to show what they can bring, that they have the talents and capabilities that will be of great value to the group. And that this program is also an avenue for them to correct their mistakes and gain valuable insights to their faults and shortcomings. I was given that opportune time before. I believe now is the time for others to shine, especially the younger generations. We will just be there to guide them on their way.
Faith Ruth Villanueva (YMA 4 – Generation I)
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